How to respond to widespread backlash to something you did, that did not harm anyone

Written by: Sapphire Li, BA

Communications specialist, 8+ years writing and copywriting for companies
Hang in there, you will get through this

If there is widespread consensus that something off happened, it can be helpful to acknowledge this unless people truly have the facts wrong. Yes this is incredibly hard when you acted with good intentions, it didn't go the way that was expected and so many people are harshly piling on you. However, being very self-defensive about what you did can seem disconnected from reality and lacking awareness. This fuels an urge in some people to keep criticizing until someone has "learned their lesson", whether this is deserved or not. Acknowledging a mistake reminds people you're human, shows you're taking responsibility and does not mean you agree with any disproportionate or hateful reactions to what happened.

Note: our templates are not meant to suggest someone could have done or said something better. It is easier to think of a different approach when you're not in the thick of it yourself, dealing with a serious situation and the reactions to it.
Hey {First name},
I'm sorry for the backlash the dancing community back home faced.1 My idea was to bring different, unique moves to compete against the other women who excelled at dynamic and power moves.2 I did not take this lightly and worked really hard. Looking back, I see how my performance missed the mark.3
As the top-ranked British dancer from 2021 to 2023, I was qualified to be there.4 I made a mistake with the routine I chose and I completely own that.5 Something that can be very obvious in hindsight and from the outside looking in, can be missed when you're in the thick of it, working day in and day out.6
Yes, scrutiny comes with being on a public stage. I do think the conspiracy theories, harassment and hate towards me, my family, friends and community have gotten out of control. While I realize me saying the personal attacks have been very hurtful may not be enough, I hope my experience can spark a conversation, "why does the reactions towards mistakes perceived as embarrassing sometimes become as inflamed as the ones towards malicious or negligent actions that harm people?"7
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1.   If what happened negatively affected someone else or a group of other people, it can be helpful to apologize for this, even if you didn't intend for this to happen and genuinely did not foresee this could happen.

2.   Explain the reasons behind your actions so people have a better understanding. Some of them may soften their stance knowing this.

3.   Address one of the top criticisms toward what you did while acknowledging you missed the mark to show you are self-aware and taking responsibility.

4.   Address another top criticism or a widespread misconception about what you did.

5.   Many people tend to pile on even harder when someone is very self-defensive. This is especially true with online commentary, when some people can feel the urge to take someone down a few pegs who doesn't seem to have "learned their lesson". However, if you own your mistake (one that did not harm anyone), it can shift the sentiment surrounding it from you deserve to be criticized to you've handled it well and piling on you is becoming over the top and cruel.

6.   Explain how this mistake happened, especially if the circumstances leading up to it are relatable. It can help people put themselves in your shoes to see how in the same position, they might have done something similar. When just focused on the outcome, some people are quicker to criticize and ridicule thinking it couldn't have happened to them.

7.   If you received disportionate reactions to what you did, describe what has been happening so people know what you've been dealing with. Pose a question about it to invite people to think about the attacks you've received and arrive at an answer themselves, which can be more effective and memorable, than just making a statement about how hurtful it is.
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